I Feel Angry and Lash Out… but I Don’t Know Why and I Want to Stop.

Do you lose your temper quickly and “lash out” at those around you? Here are some practical ideas for working with those emotions and behaviours.

Identifying the triggers that make you angry and cause you to “act out” is an important step towards managing your emotions more effectively. Here are some steps you can take to help identify these triggers:

1. **Self-awareness**: Pay close attention to your emotions, thoughts, and behaviours when you start feeling angry. Try to catch yourself in the moment and reflect on what might have caused your anger to flare up.

2. **Keep a Journal**: Maintain a journal where you record instances of anger. Write down what happened, how you felt, what you were thinking, and how you reacted. Over time, patterns may emerge that can help you identify common triggers.

3. **Reflect on Past Episodes**: Think back to previous instances when you got angry and acted out. Were there any common themes or situations that seemed to consistently provoke your anger? Analyzing these past experiences can provide insights into your triggers.

4. **Physical and Emotional Cues**: Pay attention to your body's physical responses and emotional cues when you feel anger rising. Heart rate, muscle tension, and other bodily sensations can offer clues about what triggers your anger.

5. **Situational Triggers**: Consider the situations or environments that tend to make you angry. Is it related to work, relationships, traffic, or other specific contexts? Identifying these triggers can help you prepare and develop coping strategies.

6. **Underlying Beliefs and Expectations**: Sometimes, our anger is triggered by certain beliefs or expectations we hold. These could be about how things should be, how others should behave, or how we should be treated. Examine whether any unrealistic or rigid beliefs are contributing to your anger.

7. **Communication Patterns**: Reflect on your communication style and patterns. Are there particular types of interactions or ways of communicating that consistently lead to anger? Identifying communication triggers can help you adjust your approach.

8. **Feedback from Others**: Sometimes, those around you can offer insights into your triggers. They may notice patterns that you're not aware of. Ask trusted friends, family members, or colleagues for their observations.

9. **Mindfulness and Meditation**: Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you become more attuned to your emotions and thoughts. This heightened awareness can assist in recognizing triggers before they escalate.

10. **Professional Help**: If identifying your triggers and managing your anger becomes challenging, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance, tools, and techniques to better understand and manage your anger.

Remember, the goal isn't just to identify triggers, but also to develop healthier ways of coping with anger. Once you recognize your triggers, you can work on implementing strategies such as deep breathing, taking breaks, cognitive reframing, and assertive communication to manage your reactions more effectively.

Crucible Personal Development is a private psychotherapy and counselling practice in Preston, Lancashire.